I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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