he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
