It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm bleeding and have questions
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
