You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
