still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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