You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
