New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
