My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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