Swine flu is the new snow day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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