Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
