Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
