I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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