My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
His nipple licking is glorious
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