I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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