You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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