Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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