i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
