Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
