my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Fuck appropriateness.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
