Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
