i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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