I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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