that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
