I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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