Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
