Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
