Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
