i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
