Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
