you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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