I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
