I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
