How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
