i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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