Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
