Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
