I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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