She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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