This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
