Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
