Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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