Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
