I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
