at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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