Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
