I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
