All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
