i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
