you traded sex for a burrito?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
