I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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